Doubts, doubts and more doubts

Mid-way through my job-searching journey, I had set a tier of salary rates that would dictate whether I would say yes, no or I’ll think about it to a job offer. Last Thursday, I got word from the company I’m interested in regarding the salary rate I’m looking at and, it’s definitely in the “yes” bracket. I was euphoric.

Once the elation died down, I did my calculations and noted that, at least for the first year I would probably make less money than if I stayed with my current job. The reason is due to the salary structure. My basic pay is high in the other company, but the guaranteed bonuses are low. Most of them will be pro-rated, if not unavailable to me since I’m on probation. Here in the Bank, I would have already gone past that awkward stage and would get my guaranteed bonuses and then some, although my salary is like P10k lower than the other option.

However, as benefits go, the other company is leaps and bounds way over than the company I’m in. I would not have to fear hospitals and medical expenses either for my dependents or myself. All I have to pay to have my dependents insured for P60K is P130 per payday. Here in the Bank, I’ll have to pay P4K ++ a quarter just to have a child (it’s a different [higher] rate for, say, spouse) enrolled in my health plan. Other benefits include stock options, dental coverage and generous loans.

After computing the long term and short term gains, I was pretty confident with my decision to pursue the other company. Yes, money will be tight this year, but next year, and in the years after, it will all pay off right?

However, in less than a week, my bubble burst, pricked by the comments and remarks by those that have resigned from the company. They all pretty much echoed each other: politics are awful, the bosses are awful and the regular audit includes being away for months.

Months, they said. Months.

Sure, I could probably handle the politics, somehow. It would frustrate me but I believe I can learn to swim through the muddy bureaucracy. I can even somehow find a way to deal with snotty and demanding bosses (it helps when I know I’ll be lying from the beginning and as such, will form no such attachment to these people that might trigger me to be honest). But being away for months? That’s, incomprehensible for me.

And now, I’m back in the dull gray of indecision. Logically (or should I say optimistically) I might have a slim chance of not being sent to these places at the very least, any time soon because my dad is working in a major division of the company. If they will follow international standards, I won’t be able to audit this division for at least a year after my dad has left (if indeed he does leave). I’m thinking that it’s usually the satellite offices of this division that causes auditors to stay in the far-flung areas for months on end. Following this reasoning, being in other groups would protect me from overly extended audits in these places.

Of course, there is also a very large possibility that I could be wrong in any of the logical assumptions I have made and I will end up where I don’t want to be. Vulnerable and away from home.

Other people, more patient people (I should know for I’ve worked with at least one of them) have given up. How can I be different? But an opportunity like this, how often do they come by? How financially secure can I be if I remain in my current job?

Every other minute or so, I’m shifting from one decision to another. A couple of days ago, I said I’d take the risk despite its cost. But being away for months seems awfully expensive from my standpoint and now I’m not quite sure.

Oh, how I wish I had a crystal ball or a time machine that could ferry me through one option, and, if it doesn’t work, I can go back and re-make my decision. If only I could ask Alex’s fantasy character Zoilo what he sees for me, then perhaps I wouldn’t be in such a position.

A position where everything is gray, undefined, volatile and where the future seems fragile.